Brain freeze...

Since my last post, I have been thinking. Alot.

I laid awake just last night for nearly 2 hours thinking of all the things pregnant people think about. Birthing classes, my OB, birthing plans, crib mattresses, diapers, pacifiers, safety, car seats, seasons, and maternity leave.

It really is amazing the length of an expectant couple's "To-do List." It's like that annoying song from our childhood, "The Song that Never Ends" from the Sheri and Lambchop show. "This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singin it, not knowin what it was; and they'll keep on singin it forever, just because....this is the ......." You get my drift. It just keeps going and going and going.

Once you think you've made some progress on the list, you have to add another 30 items.

With all the normal stress an expectant couple has, I have just one little added stress. I say little, because I think it will be an easy fix, but it's a large item on my "things that are important" list.

Tomorrow, I am calling my insurance company to make sure that changing my OB will not effect my current efforts toward paying off my share of the "delivery" bill.

Yes, I said it: I am changing doctors. If you read my last post about the profound disappointment I experienced with my ultrasound, then you can understand at least the foundation for my decision. Though my mind is made up, my decision to change did not come lightly. I'm over halfway into my pregnancy. I have been receiving prenatal care from a competent Nurse Practitioner, whom I happen to like. The thing is, is that I don't like the woman who will ultimately deliver my baby.

There are several things that immediately don't sit well with me. First of all, my initial visit to her was supposed to be for my annual pap-smear and check up. That's the only reason I chose her. As luck wuold have it, 3 days before that check up, I read a positive pregnancy test, so she just turned from my GYN to my OB. On that day, I waited a good hour to be called to the back, and when I was, she came in the room with another woman. There were no introductions. In fact, she barely spoke to me. She had a conversation with her nurse about traffic and how badly people drive in Louisiana. She went through the motions carelessly and callously. She didn't even give me a heads up before she put the speculum in. I would later learn, that she wouldn't give me a heads up before she put anything anywhere.

I saw her again a couple of weeks later, for my first ultrasound. She was a bit friendlier then, but that was the whole "jock itch" visit, and my discomfort plus the excitement of seeing our little alien outweighed her "shining personality."

That would be the last time I would see her for 14 weeks. So, nearly 3 months went by where I solely saw her Nurse Practitioner. I was ushered in and out, in and out and time goes by and I start to realize that the woman who is supposed to deliver my baby will be a stranger to me.

Then, there are the financial matters. My doc's office has a "bookkeeper" who handles payments and insurance. On my first visit, she told me that by my second visit, she would have the breakdown of what I would owe toward the delivery charge. (Insurance companies only cover so much.) Again, she barely looked at me, and acted rather annoyed when I had a very basic question. She answered me curtly, furiously writing the entire time. I never got that financial breakdown. It's been 4 months.

Then, there's the whole experience of the last ultrasound. And by last, I mean last. Any ultrasound from here on out will have to be paid for by me, and so far...this baby is going to cost me over $2000 out of pocket. It's very sad.

On a brighter note, I have a recommendation for another doctor that sounds like a dream compared to my current one. From all the happy faces I see when I mention his name, he seems to truly enjoy his job. He has a passion for delivering babies. And, he enjoys troubleshooting and answering questions. He doesn't have a nurse practitioner and does all visits himself. That may mean that I may wait a little longer to see him sometimes, but...for peace of mind, it's worth it.

I know that the way I see things happening in my head may or may not turn out to come true on the day of. I know that my fear of epidurals may just disappear after the first pang of labor. I know that my doctor may be out of town on the date of delivery and some strange person will walk trough the doors to do the honors. But, before that happens, I want a doctor that I can trust, that will trust me, and not treat me like a child, or like someone who doesn't understand what is happening. I am an adult. A bit of a paranoid adult, so I'm reading and asking and inquiring and finding out so many things. I'm not leaving much up to chance. I like it that way.

It's funny, how when you grow up, you begin turning in to your parents. And, I don't mean that I'm turning in to my mother (which I am, by the way) but, I'm making decisions diffferently. Decisions that as a child and young adult seem like far away things. Taking many things into consideration before I make up my mind.

One of those things is my decision to cloth diaper. I was a cloth diapered baby. Things have come a long way since the days of diaper pins and plastic pants. I made my decision based on two things: cost and waste. Those two things work hand-in-hand. Mike and I figured it out, and just the fact that we would be saving so much money was a motivator, and we would be cutting our waste. AND, THEY ARE JUST TOO CUTE!!!

The other thing I have decided, which may seem like a no-brainer to some is to breast feed. I truly believe it is the best food source for the baby. And, I don't care what it's gonna do to my boobs after all is said and done. All the naysayers and their selfish proclamations about saggy tits can sit on a fat one. Hahaha...sorry Mema. Anyway, I'm gonna be "that mom" at the mall. hahahahhahahhahaha!!!

The last couple of days I've been working on my registry(ies) and it's been a tiresome but fun project. It's amazing how much, and how little you can put on those things.

Sigh. So, I think I will try to get some work done now and ignore the pull of my Target registry. Its....oh..............so.....hard.