Monday, June 13, 2011

Beautiful Baby

When you have baby, while it's still brewing, you imagine who it will look like. It's hard to imagine who's features it will inherit.
You begin to think of a baby with your eyes, your husband's hair and grandmother's nose. A sprinkling of your dad's intelligence and your mother's sense of humor.

I read that a baby is 50% its parent's DNA, with the other 50% made up of its grandparent's and great grandparent's. So, it's going to look like its parents, but it also has 1/8th chance of looking like your grandmother!

Regardless of the time you spend imagining your baby's particular features, what comes out is always a surprise. In my case, my baby came out looking like my brother! Now, as she gets older, I see bits of me, bits of baby pictures of my brother. Sometimes, she makes faces that remind me of her daddy. But, overall....all of those things don't matter. I look at her skin and her fingers and her arms and the curve of her nose and I see the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I'm amazed at the smoothness of her skin, her green eyes, her fabulous leg rolls and the redness of her hair.

I don't know where she got each of those characteristics individually and don't really care. I know that whoever she looks most like is irrelevant, being that she's a perfect combination of my family and my husband's family. The best of both have been put together to make my baby.

I know I sound biased (I am) and maybe a little conceited about my baby's beauty (I am) but every mother looks at her baby with eyes that see a beauty like no other.

My baby is my little angel and she's changed my life. She's helped me be at peace with my world, even if the world we live in is in chaos. She's helped me see beauty in small things and I love to imagine living life every day where every experience is a new experience, every face is a new land to explore and every sound is like hearing your favorite song at the right time. She's made me much more patient - a feat she should be sainted for - with each day and people and situations outside of my control. She's helped me relinquish control ...

I don't know what I'd be doing today if I had decided not to have children. And I thought about it. I am eternally thankful that whatever unreasonable part of my mind won out during that time and I have her here with me now.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

1 comment:

  1. That is called second attention. You see a dimension of her that unlocks the pure beauty she is. When most people see her they see a beautiful human baby. The heartless and clueless just say, " I don't like babies." Some would say that what you're experiencing is spiritual. It's the best part of living for sure. I experience this with you, Maggie and Izzy. The most amazing part of it is that I can choose to keep feeling this way for the rest of my life. Its my choice and a choice I've already made. I'm very fortunate to be able to witness you being a perfect mother. All the spiritual queers in the world always miss use the term bliss. Like find your bliss as if you can go and search for it. You didn't search for it, it found you in the love you have for your baby. Plain and simple. Not all mothers feel the same way you do for your baby. Your second attention is the best gift you could ever give Maggie. You're amazing and I love you!